Idea's

When I was a kid, I loved to write in my journal. I wanted to write about everything. It seemed like a fantasy to write in something that someday my children could read back on and come to know a younger me. I wrote about my crushed and their drama, I wrote about my family, friend, basically I wrote about anything that I could write down in my limited attention span. Problem number one was that I was given lots of journals when I was a kid. Being Mormon, I collected many journals over the years. Problem number two? I switched up journals like nobody's business. So I have lots of journals with different events, times, and stories in it.


So where am I getting with this? Basically my journal has become an online blog. And my many different "journals" have become different sites and blog, Microsoft Word pages, and notes on my desktop. Well, I decided last night, I was going to stop doing that and I can write so much faster on a blog so I'll just start printing off every couple of months and putting it in a PERMEANT journal...well...I'll try.


This blog has a lot of sadness woven in it. Maybe you can't tell, but its true. What else is true? The fact that I write better when I'm depressed or crying over the keys. Thats got to stop. So I decided that I am going to write about my happiest times of my life. Which is right now. I'll write Jay and I's story later, but the propose right now for me is to write a little about Jay and I's time together. Right now. Our dates. Important conversations. I figure no one will really read this until I either give this to my children...or I give it to Facebook. But I really do want to write down the precious time I have with Jay because soon I will be off to school and I want to remember each perfect night I have with him. So here we go babe. Hopefully I get it all right, but even if I don't, I guess I'm the one writing the story so whatever I say...goes right?? 

Simple is best.

I've been reading over friends blogs lately and been super impressed with the simplicity yet beautiful insight they have in their lives and I've realized something. My blog doesn't need to be these deep and powerful post, my blog can be simple and meaningful to me. 


This semester has been a hard one. I work hard and I feel like when I sleep, it is never enough. Being further in my major is becoming a great blessing. I am seeing first hand how meant to be communications was meant for me. I have become driven to succeed. But success does not come easily, at least for me. I have had to learn to take many deep breaths. To get comfortable on my knees and learn to let my pride not get the best of me.  

pa·tience/ˈpāSHəns/

Noun:

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

for·give/fərˈgiv/

Verb:

Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).

love/ləv/

Noun:	An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".

How grateful I am to learn these words. They are hard words. NO doubt. Strong words, but they are words that I can use and I will constantly try to understand. And these words are simple. They aren't always simple to do or follow through, but they are blessing my life. Everyday.


The Simplest things are often the truest.

Somethings Found and Others Lost

This is what it was meant to be,
free from you, freedom for me.
I don't regret it, but I will not cry.
I didn't deserve this, no, not I.
I can't believe how long I cried, I thought you cared...
Was it all a lie?
How was I to know?
You changed so fast, it seems unreal.
You made me promised, which it seems you never meant to keep.
I thought you were different,
thoughtful and complete. 
Beautiful inside and out, handsome and caring.
I guess that has changed.
What made you do it? I'll never know.
So I see this was meant to be,
Free from you and freedom for me


-Camilla Fisher

If You're Happy and You Know It...Smile

"If you want to be happy, be." ~ Leo Tolstoy 

Life is too short to dwell on your sadness, move on and be happy.

But seriously, things in my life happen like this all the time. Breaking my leg my freshman year was the first major experience that really opened by eyes. That was hard. Wheelchairs suck. Surgery was painful. And losing friends who didn't want to stick around with the cripple hurt almost worse than the physical pain. I would come home from school sometimes crying.

But wheelchair give you killer arm muscles. Surgery gave me a six inch scar. Losing those friends gave me the chance to really find myself, then find real friends who cared about me no matter what. And I learned that crying is important to get over whats hurting. Crying is a sign that you're getting over it and when your done crying, wipe your eyes and move on. 

Again and again I have have hardships in my life but in every situation, I'm learning something new and growing from it. 

"There you go...let it all slide out. Unhappiness can't stick in a person's soul when it's slick with tears." - Shannon Hale

Awake My Soul

‎"When you stop chasing after the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch up to you."

Read this on another friends blog yesterday, how true it is! I'm going through a rough spot in my life right now and this is something I guess I will be telling myself. 


What is a heart? What is love? What is being close to someone? How can we know what is wrong and what is right when it come to a relationship. Do we follow our hearts or our minds or our feelings or is that all the same? But I think a song, After The Storm by Mumford & Sons, that can say it best:

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


I just need to find grace in my heart and put some flowers in my hair.